Dear Raul:
I heard about your impending divorce through Dennis. Divorce news is always better than sickness or death. Those two are always the most devastating that everybody knows will come at old age.
From dread my reaction about the startling news turned to relief. As the day wore on the feeling gradually turned to sharpening pangs of sadness. I wish I can be there for you. Death and sickness have a physical inevitability as our bodies grow to age. We just have to contend with them using the best aids, supports, and treatments available with medical science.
Losing a wife after 5 five full grown children and two decades of togetherness is not something life proffers to the living and healthy in an inescapable way. It is always a debility that plagues the soul of the person and makes him unable to love or even to continue to give affection in the face of stark realities.
Being there for each other in the face of life situations be they be good or bad is the essence of lives spent together. Forgiving each other as imperfect persons and casting pitfalls and defects aside completes the family story. It is the bitter pill that you have to swallow to make sense of all the things you sacrificed in your youth.
Forget the correctness of your position. Cast aside the gates or fences of which you surround yourself from your soon to be ex-wife. Don’t impose any condition to a reconciliation with her.
You have to rekindle inside you the ability to love her. It is the only thing you can retain full mastery of at this late point of your life. It will be the only thing that can draw her back. Loving is answered with the same when championed above all considerations.
Maybe you will say I don’t understand the whole picture. At this point of our lives, there is very little more to understand except the inability to forgive, love, and cherish one another after the younger years would have been wasted or treasured.
Fondly,
Jose
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